After going through my recent break up with my boyfriend of two years, I’ve been having an extremely difficult time. I was having a hard time before that but it sort of made everything worse. Being a super sensitive person, I’m more susceptible to crying and getting angry easier right now. It’s okay because the break up was mutual, and we realized that we argued a lot and that we’d be better off as friends, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel a little lost at the moment. He was the only person I felt comfortable around physically, I wasn’t worried about my looks very much, I was happy with myself. And now I feel scrutinized by the public since I’m single, and more judged as a prospect than a person. This is a normal feeling of insecurity after a break up, and I know it will pass, but for right now it’s pretty uncomfortable for me. It makes me more anxious, and I’m trying to compensate by throwing myself into my school work.
However, since we aren’t together, this year will be a good year to explore more experiences and travel more. Visit more places, focus on school, go to more events. I’ll also figure out who I am as a person too, along the way. I’m currently trying to make friends but it’s a little difficult to put yourself out there, when no one wants to receive attention. All I know is that I won’t be with someone for a little while to heal from the sting, and to focus on self care a lot more than I have in the past. Mentally, I haven’t been taking very good care of myself and it’s been taking a toll on me so hopefully these changes turn into something great. I have good things ahead, I have a beginning of a savings for a car, I’ll finally meet Blue October, and I plan on trying to work out more in the summer (hold me to that). Regardless, like David Bowie sang: time may change me, but I can’t trace time.